unrequited love. some say it is the worst kind.
shakespeare writes entire plays based on this theme....Othello...Midsummers....
and its like i am being strung along. all the while i am allowing this to happen. silly me.
still looking to change the world....perhaps i should start with me. a year off :2011-2012
"this twisted, toxic, thing...is finally finished".......if only......
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
a year later. i am wiser.
January 22, 2009.
dear d,
i know you are one of those people who appreciate letters....well emails...hahaha. I know you are generally the go to person, i assume. sensitive. can understand what is going on to some extent. okay, here goes...i need someone to listen, but i am not very good with speaking...i am better with writing, formulating, correcting, editing. don't even know if i will send this. i think it would be shocking if i did, it's so not me.
i wish you could read me always...like i know you can mostly. it's like i have a hint of sadness or anger and you see it and react. i presume this leads to much of our conflict. you are too in tune, if there is such a thing.
you asked me today if i was okay....well here goes...
i am not okay. i think i live in a fairy tale. am i crazy? i plan things out. all the time. preemptive attacks that occur on a daily basis. it's like there is a fucking military in my head.
i want to get married. i want to be happy. to be happy. am i blinded by all around me. how do i not see, that i am not...it is not...what do i fear? the answer seems simple: i don't want to be alone. the ultimate fear: being alone, and in doing so, will i ultimately be better? mistakes. we all make them. sometimes an eraser will come along and all that is left is a noticable smudge, but in life there is not erasers (i read that once). no erasers. so what if i am wrong.
i am so angry and sad. i think that is why i look so angry and sad. how do i escape? rhetorical questions.
what if i continue on this path? will i reach ultimate happiness?
how do you know? they say you just know.
what if i dont?
my whole life i have been playing catch up. being forever ahead, by any means necessary. when do i get caught up? when does it stop?
i am so tired. so tired. so tired and confused.
love,
-k
dear d,
i know you are one of those people who appreciate letters....well emails...hahaha. I know you are generally the go to person, i assume. sensitive. can understand what is going on to some extent. okay, here goes...i need someone to listen, but i am not very good with speaking...i am better with writing, formulating, correcting, editing. don't even know if i will send this. i think it would be shocking if i did, it's so not me.
i wish you could read me always...like i know you can mostly. it's like i have a hint of sadness or anger and you see it and react. i presume this leads to much of our conflict. you are too in tune, if there is such a thing.
you asked me today if i was okay....well here goes...
i am not okay. i think i live in a fairy tale. am i crazy? i plan things out. all the time. preemptive attacks that occur on a daily basis. it's like there is a fucking military in my head.
i want to get married. i want to be happy. to be happy. am i blinded by all around me. how do i not see, that i am not...it is not...what do i fear? the answer seems simple: i don't want to be alone. the ultimate fear: being alone, and in doing so, will i ultimately be better? mistakes. we all make them. sometimes an eraser will come along and all that is left is a noticable smudge, but in life there is not erasers (i read that once). no erasers. so what if i am wrong.
i am so angry and sad. i think that is why i look so angry and sad. how do i escape? rhetorical questions.
what if i continue on this path? will i reach ultimate happiness?
how do you know? they say you just know.
what if i dont?
my whole life i have been playing catch up. being forever ahead, by any means necessary. when do i get caught up? when does it stop?
i am so tired. so tired. so tired and confused.
love,
-k
Saturday, March 13, 2010
if you're wondering if i want you to...
still in love.
i usually get what i want.
im starting to think that this time it will not be the case.
Sometimes I give away so many pieces of myself that I am afraid I will not get enough pieces back to make myself whole again. In my times of need I find myself reaching out to people from my past. That comfortability and compassion from someone who I feel knows the true person I am is usually what I need the most. A fresh start.
vacay time.
i usually get what i want.
im starting to think that this time it will not be the case.
Sometimes I give away so many pieces of myself that I am afraid I will not get enough pieces back to make myself whole again. In my times of need I find myself reaching out to people from my past. That comfortability and compassion from someone who I feel knows the true person I am is usually what I need the most. A fresh start.
vacay time.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
<.......>........<........>
another year older. another year wiser.
i am better.
i have no doubt that this years low-key birthday will be better than last year.
another year stronger. another year happier.
i am passionate.
i am blessed and humbled by those around me everyday.
another year living. another year aging.
i am braver.
i am excited for the days to come, and live each day for the day.
i am better.
i have no doubt that this years low-key birthday will be better than last year.
another year stronger. another year happier.
i am passionate.
i am blessed and humbled by those around me everyday.
another year living. another year aging.
i am braver.
i am excited for the days to come, and live each day for the day.
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